Check out what's hot at your local Magic Taco!*
*Magic Taco food items purchased in store will not appear as described/displayed in the promotional content above. Magic Taco reserves the right to substitute ingredients as needed to ensure optimal service** to customers***.
**Return on investment
***Shareholders
Magic Taco cares — exactly as much as is required by the legal settlement in question.®
The Magic Taco Co. apologizes to those of you who were, are still, or will be offended by the actions or words which have caused or will cause you to be offended in the future. The Magic Taco Co. takes full responsibility for everything it does and says, and we want you know that we're deeply sorry that you're offended. Tiptoeing around your myriad sensitivities is Magic Taco's #1 priority.
We assure you that all complaints will be forwarded to a department whose only responsibility is to take your feelings very seriously. When this department is done considering your feelings, another department will then send you a coupon for a free taco.
Are you offended by something Magic Taco-related? Use the interactive tool below to see if the company has already apologized.
We assure you that all complaints will be forwarded to a department whose only responsibility is to take your feelings very seriously. When this department is done considering your feelings, another department will then send you a coupon for a free taco.
Are you offended by something Magic Taco-related? Use the interactive tool below to see if the company has already apologized.
Roadkillgate
Murdergate
Monstergate
Bitchgate
Gaygate
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| What did we do or say? | Who was offended? | How sorry are we? |
|---|---|---|
| As reported in Frontline's "Road to Food" exposé, Magic Taco Meat Product Acquisition officials pursued several questionable cost-reduction agendas, including the notorious Roadside Meat Reclamation project and Operation: Animal Shelter. |
Pet lovers
Opossum enthusiasts Squirrel fans The pet food industry |
Sorry you found out |
| Former C.E.O. Jack Goldenstorm was vigorously defended by The Magic Taco Co. before, during and after his conviction for committing the "Cookie Killer" murders. The company continued to maintain his innocence even after he asserted his unapologetic responsibility for the famously brutal slayings, which claimed the lives of at least 16 Girl Scouts. Current C.E.O. John H.W. Billingsworth recently disclosed his suspicion that the victims "probably deserved it" to Sean Hannity. |
Girl Scouts
The American justice system The parents of the victims The real Cookie Killer |
Deeply apologetic
No longer sorry (changed due to outcome of Brett Kavanaugh confirmation) |
| Our Hazardous Foods Division dumped 20,000 tons of decomposing MBTFS (meat-based taco filling substance) into Lake Erie, permanently eradicating some species from that body of water and allegedly creating the "Taco Leviathan" that purportedly destroyed Buffalo, NY before being subdued by the United States military. |
Environmentalists
Canadians Aquatic life Some Buffalonians |
Sorry we were caught |
| The lack of female representation within the C-Suite at The Magic Taco Co. was pointed out to company leadership at a recent shareholders' meeting. Company officials explained that it was because no qualified females had applied; when asked what attributes a qualified female applicant should possess, some of the responses included, "a penis", "a good rack", and "no dykes". At one point, CTO Bray McConnell stood on his seat and aggressively grabbed at his genitals, shouting "That's what they want! That's what they want!" before being lured down by the CFO with a small bag of white powder. |
Women
Gays, probably Feminazis |
Sorry it's that time of the month |
| Throughout it existence, the Magic Taco Co. has enthusiastically supported every anti-gay group that sought its backing. This led to the existence of over 300 Magic Taco-branded "un-gaying" centers whose methods, in hindsight, appear to have been potentially inhumane. Examples include the recently uncovered "Queer Toddler Bonfire" that took place annually on the premises of a Birmingham-area Magic Taco franchise until it was grudgingly outlawed by city officials in 2015. |
Gays, definitely
Gay-lovers Lesbos Other perverts |
As sorry as you'd like us to be, based on your political leanings |
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Get your "save on"!*
*Magic Taco extends the privilege of coupon usage at its own discretion, and may revoke said privilege at any time, for any reason. Excessive coupon usage is considered misdemeanor fraud in jurisdictions where Consolidated Content Group has successfully influenced the legislative process, including parts of Florida, Alaska, Somalia, Sierra Leone, Saudi Arabia, Venezuela, Texas, and the Republic of the Philippines. Sentencing varies by region, ranging from 6 months of hard labor and a $3,000 fine (Saudi Arabia) to the public amputation of the offender's thumbs (Texas).
Login these spyware-free* mp3 internet songs, kids! EXTREME INTERNET!
Bury Me (Upside Down)
Da General feat. Ice Cube with
special guest James Hetfield
This song was used in the recent Magic Taco television commercial for the urban-themed Hip-Hop Chili-T Rap Wrap.
Da General feat. Ice Cube with
special guest James Hetfield
This song was used in the recent Magic Taco television commercial for the urban-themed Hip-Hop Chili-T Rap Wrap.
Crying in My Sleeve
Emotional Sandals
Everyone remembers the famous Super Bowl XXVIII Magic Taco commercial. Who could forget David Koresh being beaten to death and turned into taco meat, then eaten by a team of ATF agents? Equally unforgettable was the song used in that ad, the instrumental version of Emotional Sandals' 1985 smash hit
Emotional Sandals
Everyone remembers the famous Super Bowl XXVIII Magic Taco commercial. Who could forget David Koresh being beaten to death and turned into taco meat, then eaten by a team of ATF agents? Equally unforgettable was the song used in that ad, the instrumental version of Emotional Sandals' 1985 smash hit
Tacology Theme
Infidelius
In 1986, the Magic Taco Co. oversaw the development of a television show about wisecracking tacologists (taco scientists) who also fight crime. Despite combining America's two great passions, food and sedentary activities, the show failed to survive past its initial airing. Fortunately for you, its hard-driving theme song survives.
Infidelius
In 1986, the Magic Taco Co. oversaw the development of a television show about wisecracking tacologists (taco scientists) who also fight crime. Despite combining America's two great passions, food and sedentary activities, the show failed to survive past its initial airing. Fortunately for you, its hard-driving theme song survives.
*Spyware is a term used to describe unwanted and invasive data-gathering programs installed surreptitiously by bad people.
The Magic Taco Co. is good, so the data-gathering programs we use aren't technically spyware.
The Magic Taco Co. is good, so the data-gathering programs we use aren't technically spyware.
What's my RealNameId?
Your RealNameId is a series of letters and numbers that identifies Magic Taco employees within the greater CCPG organization.
Did you know?
When you were hired, one of the 32 forms you signed was a document that legally changed your name to your RealNameId.
Employee Secure Login
Warning: If the fields below contain the previous user's login credentials, you must not use them to access the employee website. I am serious.